This past whole week has been really challenging for me. I feel as if my faith has been tested.
I lost my newly bought camera last Wednesday, before my bio 3 paper for SPM. I went home feeling so crushed & prayed to God. I opened my bible, & i felt as if the Lord spoke to me. I came across these verses:
-But one who did not know and did what deserved a beating will receive a light beating. From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required; and from one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded. Luke 12:48
-Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10
-He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. 23For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?* 26If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? 27Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;* yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. 28But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. 30For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31Instead, strive for his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Luke 12:22
I suddenly recalled back the week before that in church, the pastor testified about us contributing to the church & all, on how great things can happen if you give to the Lord. I at first did not believe in all those. I had a strong feeling poking through my heart that God wanted me to give all my resources to Him.
I knew somehow God was speaking me to a way that he wanted me to give all my savings. All that I have been saving for before SPM, at first I wanted to go colour my hair, go shopping & do so much more! I made a promise to God that I will give all my money to Him in church that week.
And as that Sunday came, I went up to Pastor Julie. I placed all my savings into a white envelope & handed it to her. I gave everything, & not even a single dollar note was left with me. Tears were rushing from my eyes. She at first rejected the offer, and she asked whether she could use the money to spend on the orphans present on that day. I told her to do whatever she wants with it.
She testified about what happened in church. She told the church how she needed the money as the night before she gave all her ringgit notes away, and she was left with nothing. My savings helped her as she needed to bring a bunch of orphans out for lunch later that evening. I felt as if everything was destined, & yes God was speaking to me.
People who were close to me that know about this, thought I was crazy & dumb for doing so. But it was okay for me. Cos I believed in Him that He will provide me with whatever that I need. I trusted in Him,
The whole week was super hard for me. As I couldnt do the things I wanted to celebrate on finishing my spm, I couldnt go out with some of my friends when they asked me. I was hoping for God’s miracle to come. I remember even constantly checking my purse hoping for some money to miraculously appear. I kept hoping for an instant miracle.
Again, I questioned God. Where was the promise He made to me? Where was He? I told Him even if He did not give me back all my resources, I told him to reveal Himself to me. I was waiting & waiting. My patience was tested even more, yet I had no sign of Him yet. Again I began to doubt. Slowly I began to lost hope & I gave up. I thought to myself to stop hoping for a miracle.
Today in church. I admit that my soul & heart wasnt in God because I was disappointed. I heard many testifying about how great miracles happened to their lives with God’s touch. I wondered to myself, what about me, Lord?
After service, after signing up for Youth Camp with Sarah, Pastor Julie saw me. She told me to wait for a moment, she went to her bag, & took out something. She walked towards me & handed me a white envelope. I felt there were several thick pieces of papers in it. She hugged me & told me, Your money helped me alot that day. Merry Christmas! I gave her back the envelope but she insisted on giving it to me.
So while walking out from church with Sarah, I opened the envelope & saw lots of thick pieces of RM50 notes. I counted them one by one, & realize I received back the exact amount of money I gave, & I even received a lil more that I gave.
After all this, I know that there is such a God existing in my life. I know everything is destined. On how I gave all my savings to Pastor Julie during the time she needed money the most. I just feel so disgusted with myself for doubting God at first, for being angry with Him, for questioning Him.Despite whatever that Ive done to hurt God, yet He fulfilled my request. He answered me & gave me back everything.
Indeed, He will reveal Himself to You, if you ask & pray. He will respond to you, if you wait. Don’t let anything stop you from worshiping him. For God is great & He never fails you. Try it & believe. Try giving everything that you have to the Lord, & he will certainly bless you. He will fulfill His promises.
x
